arnoldo garcía: i am a ghost

 

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There are days when i believe i am a ghost

haunting stairwells and abandoned migrant camps

sleeping with Billie Holiday and getting drunk with drunk Indians 

Being pulled into seance sessions with bolshevik clouds

Having to possess her body to become real

Ghosts do not cry. Ghosts do not die. Ghosts have unfinished revolutions.

I cry so maybe I exist.

I will die so maybe I still have a shot at space travel.

My revolution has not started so I continue offering sage

to the ancestors and to the babies whose future I hold in mine.

When night comes I become a ghost in other planes of existence

I am an apparition in another dimension of her heart

Even the noted dialectical materialist, Frederick Engels, believed the world and her double were being recreated simultaneously in another realm of space at the same time.

I have visited that world, actually worlds, several times.

She is different, beautiful, you can choose to be yourself or another, because she is free of the restraints of our skins:

There you can walk barefoot,

drink the water from the ground, from the streams and rivers,

no danger there except of not wanting to return.

There the rain is made of crystals that bend the sun into a creaking womb of life.

There i can fall through the sky and enter my house through the roof of my bedroom.

There it is always morning.

Then an arm pulls me through the walls and I cry out, gasp as I land once again on the floor of my reality, my ghost hood.

Come talk with me, tell me how you’re doing — that will be enough assurance that I am alive and well — and if you want to know the future come visit me in your sleep

I will show you how a ghost dances cubist cúmbias and gets electrified at the neighborhood pachanga:

You turn out to be a ghost and I turn out to be your body

You turn out to come from those other worlds and I turn out to return the visit

You turn out to heal your wounds and I turn out carrying them all so that I can say I am human because of your gentle laughter.
So tell me, who do you see?
Am I man or ghost
Am I human or shadow
Am I real or just someone you conspired with at another meeting to exorcize the ghosts who rule through war and illusion

I will be a ghost until the world I need becomes real…

 

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